EXTRA EXTRA!! Duck Molestors Running Rampant!

Apparently there's been an outbreak of duck molestors. I mean, who could resist -- those perfectly supple breasts, gorgeous sleek feathers that shimmer in the afternoon sunlight, those "fuck me eyes" that shine like opals from miles away. Ok ok you get the point; ducks are beautiful birds. But that's it people! They're birds. We must not molest non-human entities, no matter how enticing they might seem. IN FACT, we must not molest even the most tempting of boychilds. Why? Because molesting is wrong. And although you might argue that the Greeks loved many a prepubescent wonderboy, my sick and delirious reader, I may take it upon myself to argue that the Greeks also visited many a vometorium to purge themselves of their atrocious ways. Next time you see that duck parading around in the skimpiest of outfits, refrain from unbuttoning your drawers, and lordo oh lord, please also refrain from unbuttoning their's.